Garage

 
     I am so tired. Most people that meet me walking through the halls, don't realize that I'm about a thousand miles out of my goddamn mind. They don't realize that I don't look both ways when crossing a road anymore. It doesn't occur to them that I am a blank, pain-ridden shell roaming aimlessly among them. I sometimes fantasize about a natural disaster claiming only my life; or accidently finding my way to the roof and slipping off. Just fleeting daydreams. I'm not go to off myself, but if an accident were to occur, I would probably welcome it at this point. Like I said, I'm really tired.
     As I stand on the first day of July, I survey the upcoming month on my calendar. It's filled with a mine field of self-induced shit I have to navigate through. My stupidity is really quite breath-taking actually. I didn't just make some mistakes. These were major, life-altering errors with far-reaching consequences. If I didn't know better, I would think I was out to completely sabotage my life. I mean seriously who fucks their life up this bad?
     I equate my life to a garage at this point. My garage has always been a little messy, but it really wasn't that bad. I had some old vinyl LPs in the corner and some shit here and there, but I could still park my car. About eight months ago, I started leaving bags of garbage on the floor. I had every intention of taking them off, but never got around to it. I would walk in and say, "Damn, I really need to take this off... Next weekend for sure!" At this point, all I have is garbage shaped like a garage. I'm no arsonists, but if there happened to be an "electrical" fire, cleaning up ashes would be easier that cleaning up the overwhelming mess I have created... Just saying...