I'm standing in the checkout line in the grocery store. It's a temporary escape from the oppressive, late June southern heat. An old man on a scooter is writing a check in matrix slow motion, and I am beginning to wish death upon him as he messes up his check, and has to have a manager come help. I think when the outside temperature exceeds our body temperature, we become irritable and sometimes even have murderous thoughts in the checkout line.
When did I become the old guy with deep lines in his face and forehead; with a pot-belly and a bad buzz cut that he insisted his daughter do? I mean come on! How the hell did this happen? And when did I look around in the grocery store; surmising what kind of people are surrounding me in some judgmental, superior way? When did I start buying mustard? Why can't these two idiots in front of me stop talking about how damn hot it is outside? Move along... I have things to pay for. $23.45 in my account? Perfect...
I look around at the carefree people buying charcoal and hamburger meat. What kind of darkness looms behind their clear eyes? Let me tell you they probably have a pretty stable life and grasp on reality. Watching normal people really makes me take pause and look at my own fucked up life.
I lost my drivers license. Lost isn't quite the word. Taken buy a judge is a little more accurate. Yes I made a few mistakes back in November, but I'm over it now. Don't get me wrong. I messed up in a major way. I totally deserve all of this. 99% of all my problems are self-induced. It doesn't make things suck any less. So,when I look at the well-dressed man holding a bottle of wine and an uncut loaf of bread, I envy his apparent "normal", non-dumbass life... And the murderous thoughts return in the checkout line...
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