Monday, August 03, 2015

Weekend





Laying on the concrete, trying to escape the constant light...
In a locked box... Couldn't differentiate day from night...
The bright lights seemed to show everyone's souls...
I felt sorry for my roommates with their lives full of holes...
If you weren't insane by the time you went in;
You will damn sure know the extent of your sins...
I spent a weekend in a fluorescent hell...
I have one more to go in that wicked cell...
I'm sure I'll see old Rollings again...
With his tattoos and stories, and mischievous grin...
I thank god everyday this is my last weekend...






Monday, July 27, 2015

Well


Sitting... Sighing... Waiting for death...
Lying... Crying with each agonizing breath...
Pacing... Shaking... Anticipating the worst...
Armless in a boat... Dying of thirst...
A foreign numbness slowly devours my head...
Without warning or apologies it starts to spread...
I feel the air quickly escaping my lungs...
I breathe franticly like a starving bird pecking at crumbs...
Then the voices wane and fade away...
All color fades into a pale gray...
My nothingness is coming... My escape from hell...
I have succumbed to the sickness... I am finally well...








 

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Why?

    
     As I ride past the racing scenery on a warm, July morning; I look for tall buildings or bridges from which to fling myself. Hope is a submerged candle covered by a wool blanket in a wet, dark cave. I foresee no change in my current situation except for perpetuation. Despair grips me like a crushing vice squeezing a grape. I twist and squirm violently to escape it's metal jaws, but to no avail. I am officially and totally fucked for lack of a better word. All my waking thoughts are filled with worry, self-pity, sorrow, and a darkness like no other I have ever experienced.
     I often wonder what I would do if by some chance, I gained access to the roof of where I work. I can see myself standing on the edge looking down unto the hot pavement below. I know that my damned self-preservation would kick in, and I would start shaking and back away from the edge. It's almost like life is mocking me sometimes. It whispers hateful things in my ears. It speaks of no escape and payment for all my mistakes and sins... It openly laughs at me and questions my very existence. It's a son of a bitch!

       

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Haze


I watch the swirling blossoms dance in the summer breeze...
And time drifts by...

I struggle to recall all the joy and laughter in my life...
As I softly begin to cry...

I know she was real once...
As real as my pain...

Hidden in the summer breeze...
Comes the summer rain...

I daydream on my lunch break how to avoid the coming days...
Is that a rainbow in the distance, or just the summer haze?








 

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

She


She walked by like liquid sunshine drenched in a dream...
She could peer into your soul and rip reality by it's seams...
She floated past, carried by the breeze...
She was early summer... She was glistening seas...
She smelled of lavender, hope and starlight...
She could detour storms with a glance and chase away the night...
She walked out of the pages of ancient lore...
She is but a beautiful ship I admire from shore...








 

Wednesday, July 08, 2015

Cage


I know what it's like to exist, but not to live...
I know how to receive, but not how to give...
Going to be in a cage this weekend...
My stupid actions I cannot defend...
I'm not looking for sympathy; I deserve what I get...
It's a different day, but it's the same old shit...
I keep telling myself this is but a moment in time...
If you can't do the time, then don't do the crime...
Today I'm but a fool on life's cruel stage...
I'll have time to ponder further while I'm in my cage...


 

Wednesday, July 01, 2015

Garage

 
     I am so tired. Most people that meet me walking through the halls, don't realize that I'm about a thousand miles out of my goddamn mind. They don't realize that I don't look both ways when crossing a road anymore. It doesn't occur to them that I am a blank, pain-ridden shell roaming aimlessly among them. I sometimes fantasize about a natural disaster claiming only my life; or accidently finding my way to the roof and slipping off. Just fleeting daydreams. I'm not go to off myself, but if an accident were to occur, I would probably welcome it at this point. Like I said, I'm really tired.
     As I stand on the first day of July, I survey the upcoming month on my calendar. It's filled with a mine field of self-induced shit I have to navigate through. My stupidity is really quite breath-taking actually. I didn't just make some mistakes. These were major, life-altering errors with far-reaching consequences. If I didn't know better, I would think I was out to completely sabotage my life. I mean seriously who fucks their life up this bad?
     I equate my life to a garage at this point. My garage has always been a little messy, but it really wasn't that bad. I had some old vinyl LPs in the corner and some shit here and there, but I could still park my car. About eight months ago, I started leaving bags of garbage on the floor. I had every intention of taking them off, but never got around to it. I would walk in and say, "Damn, I really need to take this off... Next weekend for sure!" At this point, all I have is garbage shaped like a garage. I'm no arsonists, but if there happened to be an "electrical" fire, cleaning up ashes would be easier that cleaning up the overwhelming mess I have created... Just saying...
    

Blog Archive

About Me

My Photo
United States
I am student of life, poet, published author,musician, and a part-time philosopher. I have four daughters and a son. Twitter@dhoover2112