Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Getting that old familiar sick feeling.
Like a sad song you don't want to end...
Like beating the shit out of yourself again and again...
Like looking to the clouds, asking for a break, and knowing you don't deserve one...
Like knowing you'd be down right dangerous if you only had a gun...
They warned me about these feelings back in therapy...
The group was supportive, but they didn't really know me...
I'm done being stupid, so don't worry and don't fret...
I just hope when I'm gone, I'm someone that you met...

Tuesday, January 06, 2015

Cold

Johnny Cash songs on a lonely Sunday morn...
Got a court date coming up...
Missing the life I used to have...
Made sure that door was shut...
Gave up all the drinking and pills...
Stone sober... Tranquil in a raging sea...
Reach out for someone to save my life,
But there's no one there. No one but me...
Got my meetings, fireplace and a few clothes...
Got my drum calluses and memories of forgotten shows...
Got pictures of my kids and a Facebook account...
Got a mountain in front of me to surmount...
Got no one left on which to unload my woes...
Gonna be cold this week... Hope it snows...





 

Sunday, December 28, 2014

 
Gravity pulling me apart...
The smell of cigarette smoke on my clothes...
Solidified tears crusting my eyes...
A lonely rope hanging in the garage...
My chaos piled in front of me like a trash heap...
My broken compass and lost watch...
The gentle rain holding me captive...
Memories of better days clouding my boxed mind...
Sweet old song playing on the radio...
A lone tree against a cold, winter sky...

 

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Saturday Morning

 
As I walked through the scenic beauty, the December sun shone down upon me. Things were clearer this morning, and I am starting to feel at peace. Lost in thought, my trek turned from a little excursion to a several mile hike. Being that I'm not in the best shape, this was quite the feat for me. I was distracted by the lovely day and ignored my aching legs. I ignored my throbbing back, and released all my inner pain. I stopped and took a drink of my bottled water, and closed my eyes. The warm sun on my face made me forget that this was a winter walk, and reminded me of a fresh spring day. All in all, as bad as things are, this morning made me realize that life is actually beautiful.

* Above is an actual pic of my walk

Monday, December 15, 2014

Monday night

As I make my decent down the mountain, I see the lights of the hellish little town below. This is not my home. I sink into unhappiness as I make my way ever closer. It's just cold and rainy enough to make it miserable. This seems like such a long nightmare. I feel like I will never wake up. I'm holding on to some futile hope that one day I can return home, but with every passing day that hope fades a little more. Perhaps I don't deserve to ever go home again. Maybe this is my lowly fate. I feel that I'm on the brink of madness every day. I cry a little prayer, then off to sleep, to live in the realm of improbable possibilities...

Friday, December 12, 2014

Alone



I catch myself smiling, when I realize it’s all a dream…

A tear wells in my eye, and then the tear turns to a stream…

I sleep a lot because where I sleep you are still real…

It’s something to hold on to… Something no one can steal…

I find myself talking to your ghost in the brisk, winter night…

I run frantically from my lies… I run until I’m out of sight…

I’m a hollow, empty shell; aimless and alone...


I beg for forgiveness, things to which I can't atone…

I know I'm on my own now and there's nothing I can do...

Just remember I was once here, and that I'll always love you...

 
 

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Low


I don’t want to live without you… I have never been this low…
Christmas seems cold and lonely, and I just want to go…
Nothing gives me pleasure, and smiles are only lies…
I wish the sun would filter through all my gray skies…
I know I am the cause of all my problems, and to fix them is too late…
I won’t make it through the day choking on all this hate…
I don’t blame you for leaving, and I know all my chances have been spent…
Even as I write these empty words, there is no real way to vent…
I’m not trying to gain attention, so don’t feel sorry for me…
I’ll die here from a broken heart, for from myself I cannot flee…

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Rising Fawn, GA, United States
I am student of life, poet, writer, musician, and a part-time philosopher. I have four daughters, a son in college, and a memory of a life...