I AM

I am the wingless moth; writhing helplessly towards that dim porch light…

I am the thunderstorm, so close you can taste the moisture; only to pass the parched land without a single raindrop…

I am the infant rabbit being tormented by the cat as the children scream in terror. I am underestimated, discounted, and thought of as endept at every turn...

I am an afterthought if even a thought at all… I am that realization that hits you years later... I am...

Drama

Not a fan, but it always seems to find me. Craziness plays hide and seek with me daily. I must be a horrible hider. I hear it counting, but I always run before it gets to twenty. I am starting to think it's cheating.

Bill Murray

My comments are usually innocuous and benign, but are sometimes taken with all the seriousness of a suicide bomber… Speaking has always taken precedence over thinking. Consequences for my actions were always an afterthought, and pretty far down on my priority list. I’m pretty spontaneous and make rash decisions for an obsessive compulsive type. Sarcasm is not one of my better traits. I blame Bill Murray. I grew up watching all of his movies, and realized that every character he played, he always came across as sarcastic. I always found it immensely amusing, and entertaining. Over the years I adopted a lot of his mannerisms, minus being witty and hilarious. I realized that asking forgiveness was easier than asking permission, and arrogantly thought people just didn’t grasp my sarcastic remarks when in actuality, they just thought I was a smart ass.  So please forgive me if I come across crass, cold, or uncaring. Blame the influences in my formative years… Blame Bill Murray!!!

The Here-After

What if, when you die, there is nothing?

What if it's like when before you were born?

No consciousness... Only nothingness...

We have no loved ones looking down on us...

There are no ghosts roaming the earth...

What if this life is all we get?

So excepting this premise, the only difference between death

and not being born at all, is the people left here that we have touched in some way.

Perhaps the only heaven or hell is the ones we create for ourselves here on earth...

Listen

Listen to the rain drops...
Listen to the beat of my heart...
My love, realize that without you, that beat stops...
Listen to my whispers caressing your sleeping ears...
Listen to all the things I've said over the years...
Listen to your heart, it will always be true...
If you listen hard enough,  you'll hear I love you...

Poem #523

She went away like all the others…

Now I long for her tender touch…

I writhe in my twisted mind…

She left me with only memories,

which I violently clutch…

I awaken in drenched sheets; screaming…

There is no consultation; no one to tell me I’m dreaming…

I’m left to slay my dragons and fight my demons alone…

I guess those plans for happiness will have to be postponed…

The Inevitable

It's funny how things change... One day your life is turned completely upside down, and you are left with no one to blame but yourself... You miss the subtleties and ambiguous warning signs, to finally have your little world crash down around you... And you think, "how did this happen?" When you ignore the flashing lights and bells at a train crossing, and just keep on going, at some point that train will hit you. Rattlesnakes are still rattlesnakes, whether you are nice to them or not. People change, but it's over a long period of time, and then you have those who can never change. I have been watching small cracks form in the dam for a long time. After a while, the water starts to leak through, and the inevitable always happens...  

Little Bird

Almost clipped the wing of a little bird on my commute to work... 
I saw a flutter of red scurrying away, narrowing escaping my deadly wheels. Made me think of the impending doom that lurks around every corner. The end is always a breath away. I could have just have easily been that little cardinal, barely flying away with my life. Not today little bird... Not today...