Lies

At what point do those little “white” lies turn into massive, dark deceptions? When do innocent omissions of information turn into deliberate, misleading acts of betrayal? Do some sins outweigh others? Is a lie a lie; no matter the context? I hunger for honesty, but I fear the truth… I seek light, yet find sanctuary in darkness… I am lonely but take solace in solitude…I take the easy path of instant self-gratification; always avoiding the profound… I deny my creator as I ponder other ridiculous theories; just as plausible… I am a philosopher and an idiot… I am both responsible and a total failure… My dog thinks I'm crazy as we have been spending days with each other alone… I am starting to question his sanity as well lately… I watch cartoons during the day until I can’t anymore. At that point, I listen to music that I’ve heard a thousand times before… I apply for jobs that either I am under or over qualified… I start writing one fictional story after another. I end up deleting pages of it, mainly because it sucks... I can never finish anything I begin... My patience is razor thin; almost completely depleted… I’m angry… I’m sad… I’m thirsty, dehydrated, and hollow…. I would sing or cry if I could… I would write something poetic and intelligent if my heart and mind could only summon the words … Nothing seems to fill this emptiness or answer my pointless questions. There is nothing that dilutes this “dullness” that I feel… I so desperately want to not “want” anymore… Sometimes I wish I could just watch this house and everything inside burn to the ground...  It would be nice to start over in some sterile environment; with less shit obscuring my view… Then again, from this vantage point, the view isn’t that great anyway… And to address those “lies”; perhaps the biggest lie is that everything is going to be all right…