The Fall

　

I feel that I am but a shadow slowly shuffling within the darkness that I have created for myself. I bounce from reality to reality; running into new faces of senility at every corner. They politely introduce themselves, but I can never remember their names. I’m trying to keep all my fragile, little pieces together, but every day I’m out here, I lose a few more along the way. There are only fractured ghosts of my former self; peeking from behind fleeting memories of days past. The sightings have become increasingly less frequent as time passes. The image from the mirror is becoming less and less recognizable. I diligently search for the life that escaped me so quickly, but there are few clues on its whereabouts. I filed a missing-life report, but the authorities haven’t been much help. It’s been gone so long now I can barely recall what it looks like. Occasionally, I’ll think I see it in an old photo, or hear it in a forgotten song, but it is always only wishful thinking. One minute it was here, and the next, it was but a flash of lightening in a passing thunder storm. It’s funny how you lose the valuable things in an instant, and seem to hold on to the useless things in your life forever. I have amassed an impressive anthology of regrets and mistakes over the years. It’s the only thing I have left from my missing life. I have them in chronological order. Come over and I’ll entertain you with the entire collection. We’ll have drinks and watch the flickering projections of all my greatest failures on the faded walls of my misguided delusions. With every passing day I grow a little more distant; a little further away from myself. I feel the madness slowly taking over as the urge to fight it dissipates like a cold, fine rain. I have ignored the possibility of falling into the abyss of insanity for so long; I didn’t even notice that I’ve been free-falling. I’ve mistaken these high-velocity tears for sadness, and that gale force that’s been sustaining me for the righteous winds of change. I’ve closed my eyes through all the quickly passing clouds that are now high above me, and pretended I wasn’t falling, but somehow I always knew I was. Maybe I didn’t want to admit it, but ignoring the rising ground as it races up to meet you doesn’t soften the crash; it only makes you blind and complacent during the fall…