Mother

My "real" mother is a sociopath. She takes pleasure in the misery of others. She literally "hates" anyone with a moral compass, or has a good or decent heart. She was never a nurturing figure, and was always dripping with hatred and negativity. I can count on one hand how many hugs I got from her. Do I blame this soulless creature for the way I turned out? Yes... In part... But not entirely. I don't think you are the sum of your upbringing. There are people that have suffered much worse than me that went on to become upstanding citizens. However, I do think that it is difficult to fight the constant negativity that was bombarded upon me from the time of my birth. I am not dramatizing this situation. These were not innocuous, random incidents. This was every day, constant negativity. In retrospect, I now see why I am the way I am. It's not that I can't overcome the evil damage that she incurred, but it has been a challenge. Now that I have finally put her to rest, and have concluded that she is, in fact, dead to me, things are starting to make more sense. I am not my mentally-ill, evil, soulless mother. I am me; despite her. I love my children in such a way that I was never loved. My dad and I weren't very close, but it was because she was instigating strife between us. Now, upon her virtual death,  I am closer to my father than I've ever been. In essence, this is my good-bye to a mother I never had. I mailed her a letter stating these exact, sobering facts, but I'm sure it wasn't understood, nor cared about. Goodbye "mother"... Thanks for my life, but nothing more....