Subconsciously, I sabotage my life. I need misery and pain. If I stroll through life singing a happy song, somehow I feel empty inside. I'm not satisfied unless I'm miserable. Normality is so foreign, and chaos so comfortable. I'm always looking for the storm clouds, and the silver linings are always gray. I am a terminal pessimist... Hopeless, disengaged, complacent, and sad...